Cover Charge: Kindness

Knowledge and Power

Bursting Through looks at the human experience through the lens of LGBTQ+ Allyship. It was intentionally designed to encourage people to share part of their lives, express their feelings, and be heard and seen. 

Bursting Through has brought people into my life that I otherwise would not have known. It’s been a privilege to meet them and I’m honored they have trusted me with their stories and have shared what is in their hearts. It’s something I am protective of and a responsibility I take seriously. 

One of the ways that comes to life is creating a Bursting Through physical space at community events like arts festivals. At these events, the Bursting Through area is defined with a sign that states: 55% of the U.S. adult population self-identify as an Ally to the LGBTQ+ Community, and 7.1% self-identify as members of the LGBTQ+ Community. 

The Bursting Through space is safe and includes all letters of the Queer alphabet plus Allies. The cover charge is kindness, and entry is optional. It is not trying to change anyone's point of view but simply engaging and activating those who desire to connect through Allyship on a different and deeper level.

Because of this foundation and the energy created around the Bursting Through area, it is disorienting and disturbing when someone deliberately comes into the space to be contrary. 

At a recent art festival, a man approached me entering the Bursting Through space. He extended his hand and introduced himself. He had a warm smile, a firm handshake, and a friendly demeanor.  I gladly shook his hand and welcomed him to Bursting Through.

He explained he was new to town and owner of a new business in the downtown area.  Because of that, he had been given a list of downtown events and he and his wife decided to come to check out the art festival.  He then introduced me to his wife. 

My conversation with this very nice-looking 30-something couple began kindly with him asking me reasonable questions about upcoming LGBTQ+ events he saw on the list of events he had been given.  As I answered, he maintained eye contact and generated good energy but began interjecting bitey little comments between my words.

His comments were curious but did not activate my well-honed, highly-developed hate radar. He began quickly jumping topics within the LGBTQ+ world. The conversation continued with my answers and his fast-talking, increasingly mocking comments until he said, “I guess I’m one of the 37.9%” indicating he was NOT an Ally.

His statement put me on my heels. I don’t live in a bubble and am acutely aware not everyone supports the Queer Community. Still, it’s rare when anti-LGBTQ+ people are present, visible, let alone directly confrontational at community events like arts festivals.

Hoping I had misheard his fast talk I asked, “So, you don’t support the LGBTQ+ Community?”  He responded, “Not really, well I guess I do but I believe you people would get much further if you dropped the T.”  

I reacted viscerally and the dialogue quickly got less polite before I got him and his wife to move along. To say the LGBTQ+ Community would be better off without my transgender brothers and sisters is not only infuriating and wrong, it’s nuanced and educated hate.  

In the past, there has indeed been a small fringe movement within the LGBTQ+ Community to dissociate with trans people and issues but it has been flatly and forcefully rejected.  It’s not a movement that received much attention or gained much traction within the LGBTQ+ Community so for a straight, cis-gender man to be armed with this information at the ready implies some serious transphobia. 

It’s disturbing and dangerous hate speech anywhere but particularly in the safe space surrounding Bursting Through. I had barely gotten this couple away and refocused when I saw a beautiful human standing in front of the place where people write their Bursting Through Allyship belief statements.

This person had the best outfit I had seen all evening: a pale pink knit mini skirt, an off-white Angora sweater, pink thigh highs, and fierce ankle boots. This look was complemented with flawless make-up and the perfect jeweled hair bow.  

I said hello and asked how their night was going. Through a shaky voice, I heard, “Pretty good. I’m a little nervous because this is the first time I’ve been in public dressed as a woman and the friends I am meeting aren’t here yet”

I complimented the outfit and assured this brave soul they were in the right place. We talked about pulling together the perfect look, especially on a special night, and about what Allyship looked like to them until the friends arrived. 

About 15 minutes later, I heard a happy, upbeat, and familiar voice say “Guess what”?  I turned around and saw a transwoman who I met about a year ago when she first stopped by Bursting Through. I smiled and curiously replied, “What”?  

Through a huge grin, she said, “I have my first face-to-face job interview as myself on Wednesday.”  She continued “I’ve already done a pre-interview at a job fair and they said I was EXACTLY what they were looking for. I’m really excited.”  

She was so proud, happy, and hopeful. I was thrilled for her and incredibly honored that she would share her news and happy energy with me. When we first met, she was beginning her transition and things were tough.  Each month since then, she has stopped by to visit, update me on her progress, and sometimes share her Allyship belief statement. 

At best things have been challenging for her.  She has told me about family rejection, physical and mental health struggles, employment discrimination, physical and verbal abuse, financial difficulties, and public ridicule. Through it all she has stayed true to who she is, persevered, and thrived.

After our conversation ended and she moved on, I began reflecting on my experiences and friendships with some of my trans brothers and sisters. I thought about how much richer my life is because I know them.  I realized how much I had learned about loving myself and living authentically by their example. 

In my mind, I saw their faces clearly and felt their warm and powerful energy. I paused on how fortunate I am as a Queer man to be in the company of such strength and enlightenment. 

My thoughts briefly turned to the hateful couple I met earlier. I pitied them because they will never know these beautiful souls. I quickly shook that feeling and realized this couples beliefs and values would never allow them to see the beauty, brilliance, boldness, and bravery in my trans brothers and sisters. What a shame and what a loss, to them.

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