Your Awesome Identity
Bursting Through Knowledge and Power
During the first Trump administration, I was confronted with some uncomfortable truths that forced me to decide what kind of Queer man I was going to be.
One defining moment happened when I was simply running errands. I lived in San Francisco then. Walking up the street, I noticed two Arab women dressed in Hijabs about half a block from me.
When they saw me, they stopped, backtracked to the corner, and crossed the street. I looked around for the danger they must have perceived and caught my reflection in a storefront. I realized the danger was me.
For the first time in my life, when I looked at my reflection, I saw a beefy, midwestern, white man and not a 13-year-old broken, sad, gay boy. I saw what scared those women; I looked like many who wore MAGA hats. My reflection changed me.
The transformation to the person I want to be was neither immediate nor is it done. Deciding what kind of Queer man I needed and wanted to be was much easier than implementing the actions necessary to change.
Until then, I had spent most of my out life as a corporate gay. I felt I was doing my part by being openly gay professionally and taking leadership roles in LGBTQ+ corporate-supported causes.
The truth is, I was doing my part, and that was a lot of activism, vulnerability, and participation for that version of me. When I realized it was necessary and right for me to be more active in the LGBTQ+ universe, I experienced some self-shame.
I felt I should have been more involved previously or arrived at my moment of clarity sooner. As I got more involved, I also experienced shaming from outside sources. I found a narrow narrative around what being LGBTQ+ or an Ally is or should be.
These limited definitions, paired with my shame encounters, nearly blocked my path until I realized how unfair they were. My level of activism was appropriate for my 50+ hour work week and the man I was then, but some chagrin remained.
When I created Bursting Through, I confronted the residual shame and limited definitions of Allyship. It surfaced in one of Bursting Through’s core philosophies: There is no wrong way to be an LGBTQ+ Ally.
For 4 years, I have been talking to everyday Allies as Bursting Through. It has taught me a lot. As people share what Allyship means to them, I hear how that shows up in their daily lives. I have come to understand that everyone is doing what they can and what is right for the current version of themselves.
I have learned that being an Ally and being Queer comes in many different forms and will evolve. My activism once primarily surfaced at work but that might not be possible for you. You might relate to being a secret, private, corporate, combatant, or active Allie and/or Queer person. You could be different versions in different environments, a combination of them, or something not listed, but equally important.
Right now, you are showing up as the Ally and/or Queer version of yourself that is right for you and that is AWESOME! There are immeasurable reasons why that version is best for you, and multiple ways to categorize where you might be.
There should never be shame associated with showing your love. There is no wrong way to champion your Queer loved-ones or express your pride when it come from your heart.
My transformation will continue as I have new experiences and learn from people like you. A second Trump presidency and MAGA do not scare me. I am concerned that loving hearts and strong minds will be silenced because they are made to feel they are activating their Allyship incorrectly when that is impossible.
Thank you for being a Bursting Through member and an Active Ally. To keep Bursting Through moving forward and add more like minded people to our community:
Buy me a caffeinated beverage, in the form of a monthly membership, to keep me energized while I work and be able to write more stories.
Make a one time financial contribution to help me produce more stories.
Suggest a Bursting Through Workshop at your office, cultural event, or community organization.
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